Bad Things Happen in...

I will now recount, for your viewing pleasure, the crappy things that have happened to me since last we spoke. Maybe, at the end, if necessary to elevate the tone to a pitch which doesn't induce self-mutilation by secret cutting, I'll recount some good stuff too.

1. Consumer Debt

So, Georgia Power steals. I say this to save you, Constant Reader, from a fate similar to mine. $95 dollars they charge when things happen that aren't your fault. Actually, we can blame the Republicans. See, if the Republicans hadn't raped our environment, I wouldn't have felt compelled to take a non-paying internship over the summer in order to rehabilitate it. And if I hadn't taken the non-paying internship, then theoretically I would've gotten some kind of paying gig. If that had happened, the check I wrote to Georgia Power at the end of the summer wouldn't have bounced and Georgia Power wouldn't currently be stealing my money. And, oh, it is stealing. They are taking money in exchange for nothing and quite against my will. But not to worry! They say I can have it back if I don't suck for 12 straight months. No one can go 12 months without sucking. It's written into our genetic code. Bye bye $95.

2. The Man

It costs more to run a stop sign in Athens-Clarke County than it does to go 25 mph over the speed limit in Murray County (specifically, Chatsworth). Not only that, you can pay the tickets from the backwoods online but not the tickets from the City Which Shelters Georgia's Flagship Institution.

3. Heartache
Since I don't so much want this to turn into one of those kinds of blogs in which people I don't know can read my innermost personal thoughts and feelings, I won't go into too much detail here. Suffice it to say that you can't ever really know someone. I gave him my heart and he gave me a pen. Whatever. Florida can have him. I am both a rock and an island. Besides there's a new boy around Athens I have my eye on. Onward and upward.

There you have it.

To hold up my end of the bargain, some good stuff is as follows: Rival won Sectionals; I'm getting back my security deposit from last year's apartment; I threw a party with Anna that rawked and at which I learned to play Quarters; I'm finally watching the second season of Lost (NO SPOILERS); aforementioned new Athens boy.

I'm confident that my bout of bad luck here endeth.

On and Off: The Wagon

So. I spent August engaged in something of a personal challenge (well, personal to me and my friend KQ). This pursuit was something of a social experiment, something of a personal health thing, something of a just-to-make-sure-I'm-not-a-complete-lush thing. That's right, my friends. I didn't drink a drop of Pappy's Cough Syrup during the month of August. Alcohol-free. Dry as a bone. Chuck-E-Cheese, 24-7. It was easier and harder than I thought it would be. Easier because it turns out I'm not a raging alcoholic and I didn't, in fact, really go through withdrawal. Harder because I really really like drinking beer while I watch t.v. Next time, I'm making a loophole.

What did I learn? Let's list it all in list form. Some of it is surprising and some of it is emphatically not.

1. Alcohol makes you drunker than you are when you're sober.
2. Being drunk makes you do ill-advised things.
3. Being sober makes you do fewer ill-advised things.
4. Ergo, life is simpler when you don't drink. BUT
5. People are funnier when they are drunk.
6. Therefore, you are funnier when you are drunk.
7. Ergo, you are less of a hit at parties when you are sober. UNLESS
8. There is four-square. In which case, you can be just as much of a hit sober as you would be otherwise. NOTE
9. You will still like all of your friends when the Month O' Sobriety ends. FURTHERMORE
10. All of your friends will like you back. LASTLY
11. You sleep better when you don't drink. I feel like a million bucks!

Not drinking's OK. Q.E.D.

Now. I intend to fall headfirst off the wagon. As such, there will be boatraces and parties and bar hopping and other things of that ilk that make my mama proud (hi Mom!). Who wants to go to happy hour?