Special Delivery

Dear Ryan Langerhans,

I was at the soggy game on Tuesday and I began to get really curious about something. Do you get creeped out when fans talk to you like they know you? I never wondered about this sort of thing before--strange considering my tenure as a baseball fan and how my mind tends to wander. But this struck me onTuesday when you walked up to the plate after the rain delay and I, from my purloined seats behind Blanco, proceeded to catcall you. I suppose I should tell you that you have the extreme honor of being my first baseball-related crush (Javy Lopez doesn't count). Hence the catcalling. But the thing about it is that I don't even do that to people I know. I actually find it mildly insulting. Well, sometimes I do it to Hensley, but only because I want to fit in. So why do fans believe that their sports stars (which you will be among soon) belong to them? Why is it okay to insult players from the seats? Fans can be quite nasty sometimes, as I'm sure you know. So I thought I would ask if it bugs you. If it doesn't, I might keep catcalling. And in our unique situation, I'll have to take silence to equal consent. I think in the back of my mind somewhere I actually think we'll have some bizarre eye-contact moment and you'll immediately run over and give me your phone number. Stranger things have happened, I tell myself. Witness Neutral Milk Hotel's lyric, "Can't believe how strange it is to be anything at all." So if you and I can exist, it's at least possible that we could meet, have a moment, and exchange phone numbers. All that being said, if you find it difficult to tune out the fans for whom you play (or do you actually play for love of the game? a topic for next time), and you find the catcalling dehumanizing and irritating, I will cease and desist immediately if not sooner. You're on your way to being a commodity, albeit a beloved, well-paid, and closely-watched one. Who am I to hasten the process? So anyway, good luck in your forthcoming games. I'll be at some of them since the Braves finally won a game I attended (first time ever!) and I can now visit Turner Field with a clean conscience. And as I watch I'll be not-so-secretly imagining what our babies would look like and whether they'd play baseball or ultimate or eschew sports altogether. Is that weird?

Affectionately,
Amy