Contestant No. Three: Audrey Hepburn

My Fair Lady
Audrey Hepburn. Those eyes. That neck. Those lips. All that time spent saving the world through UNICEF and her Children's Fund. Truly, they do not make them like this anymore.

Okay, by popular demand (and a need to avoid having Gardner harangue me anymore) I am composing the Official Rules to the Epic Search for the Epitome of Female Beauty (not to be confused with Gardner's Everything Idol contest, to which I am aware this little endeavor of mine bears a very striking resemblance indeed). To wit:

1) Contestants must be physically beautiful. Now, this is a very liquid and relative concept. What defines beauty, after all? Everyone has different tastes. Every age has different standards. There are hair and fashion fads to be considered. So I have no way of being more specific than, they must be physically beautiful. If you look at them and say, "Good Lord she's beautiful," then we're on to something. NB: beautiful is NOT the same thing as hot. I believe I am not alone in thinking that one can be hot w/o being beautiful and vice versa. Often the two occur together (see Angelina Jolie). So being hot is not a disqualifier. One must use one's judgment in these situaitons.

2) Contestants must have some accomplishment to their names beyond being blessed with good genes (or good plastic surgeons). To me, the epitome of female beauty would possess some extraodinary talent or philanthropic tendency or business savvy or something. It's high time the beauty of a woman includes attributes beyond the two that adorn her frontal area. So, in my ideal beautiful woman, there will reside such personal qualities as will make even the most accomplished among us absolutely green.

3) Nominations will continue until I feel like the number has gotten silly. I realize this will likely turn this blog into some nauseating celebration of women with the occasional entertaining anecdote from my ever-fascinating life. The wonderful thing is that this is my f-ing blog and I shall do what I like with it. So there.

And that concludes the Offical Rules. Feel free to make suggestions which meet the requirements set forth in Rule 1 and Rule 2. This is fun. We can live vicariously through the beautiful and talented and thank God that we are not as exhausted as they most likely are/were.