A Story Chris Told Me

It was 3:45 in the morning on a crisp night in Athens. Chris and Kyle (their real names) were enjoying a late-night/early morning beer on their second story deck. From said deck there is a beautiful view of their backyard, and a quite utilitarian one of Springdale St. The evening was unremarkable---they were having a laugh and toasting their youth when suddenly, there was a loud THUNK from the street side of the deck. "What the...?" Chris said to Kyle, and he immediately leapt to his feet (cat-like in his grace and dexterity) and crossed to the railing. Kyle reluctantly followed, smelling the ill wind of a patented It Was Chris's Idea. Below the deck on the front lawn stood a man with a brick. The man wore jeans and a black t-shirt and was posturing in a menacing fashion while staring Chris and Kyle down. He threw the brick at the side of the house and continued to posture for a bit. And then he left. Chris and Kyle looked at one another, at something of a loss as to how to proceed. Chris suggested that the most obvious course of action was to follow the Bricker and call the police. Kyle reluctantly agreed, the smell from earlier now singeing his nosehairs. On the way out the door, Chris grabbed the necessary accoutrements: a Maglite, a cell phone, and his spiked brass knuckles. Thus armed, Chris and Kyle set out. On the street corner was a Pack of Girls, adjudged by Chris to be a Pack of Girls walking home drunk from somewhere (a not-uncommon sight in and around the greater Athens metropolitan area). Chris and Kyle wandered down Bloomfield to Cloverhurst where they espied two young men in jeans and black t-shirts in the street. At this point, Chris telephoned the police and told them that a man had thrown a brick at his house and could currently be found on Cloverhurst, thank you. Thus began the confrontation. Chris yells, "Hey! I think you threw a brick at my house, man! And, well, that's our unicycle!" Indeed, clutched in the kleptophilic grip of said Bricker was the unicycle that belongs to Ben, the Downstairs Neighbor. Chris got close enough to shine the Maglite into the eyes of the Bricker. The Bricker was not as evasive as you would think. He insisted that he was drunk and not thinking clearly and that, "Well, I know how to ride a unicycle, so I thought I would take it." He returned the unicycle and apologized and at this point the confrontation ended. Kyle, all this time, has been shaking like a leaf and practically peeing himself. You see, Chris had kept the brass knuckles and Kyle had Nothing. He did make a valiant attempt at The Delicious Rhythm of Good Cop/Bad Cop (his words) by quietly telling Chris, "I think you can stop shining the flashlight in his eyes now." And now, enter the Real Cops. Apparently the Bricker and his cohort had been spreading the Brick love all over town. The Pack of Girls included one who had also known the wrath of the Brick and had her purse stolen from her bedroom to boot. Without so much as a "How do ya do?" the Bricker and Pal were taken into custody and charged with six counts of...something or other. Chris was given his own Day and a Key to the City. The headline the next day said, "Cops Nab Unicycle Thief."