Porn Forever

To Nutmeg: (vb. trans.) Denotes an action in ball sports wherein a player causes the ball to pass between the legs of another player, preferably not resulting in a turnover of possession to the opponent.

So, Sectionals has come and gone. Internet Porn dominated--Second Place, baby! Second only to Johnny on the Spot (now taking nominations for the most derogatory play on this name that anyone can come up with --please keep it relatively family friendly) from Tennessee, which ain't too bad. We played JOTS only once during the weekend, due to the wicked-bad brackets that the TD came up with. They defeated us 13-9 in a game that I think we could have won if not for the most horrendous calls I have ever had the misfortune of being privy to. I do not like them, Sam I Am. In any event, the highlight of the weekend was undoubtedly defeating Shotgun (or "Gaygun" or "Snotgun" or whatever else you would like to call them) in the game for second/third. The glory of this victory is best conveyed through a monologue from the perennial-favorite sports movie, Hoosiers. But since I don't know what that monologue would sound like, suffice it to say that we lost our game to them on Sunday morning 15-11 after taking half 8-3. I was not a happy camper. The phrase "spitting nails" comes to mind. I was envisioning the horrible, wet things I would like to do to them for the rest of the day. And then we got our chance to show 'em what for. Granted they had just played a ridiculously difficult game against JOTS and we had had a relatively easy game against Soul Patrol (which it also felt darn good to win). But I choose to think that we would have beat them anyway, having had plenty of practice knowing how crappy it felt to lose to them. So there you have it. Second in the section. On to Regionals, which will be very challenging, to say the least. Silver lining: perhaps my Uncle Frank will be able to come and watch. Lovely. Okay, without further ado, the highlights:

--My first ever nutmeg: there I was being trapped on the line by JOTS's fierce zone defense, the count was getting up and I was beginning to panic; I start to fake 'em off me, trying desperately to pass to Wilbur who was anxiously trying to hear if I was being stalled; I saw my opportunity and almost simultaneously tried the stupidest move ever--I broke my mark and sent it through the legs of the middle of the cup. Wilbur caught it grinning. It was silly, ridiculous, gutsy, and dumb--and the most exhilerating feeling EVER.

--Don's footblock and subsequent score during the JOTS game: you don't know what a thing of beauty it is to see someone get a footblock while flatmarking until you've experienced it.

--Stephen's Triple Threat Point: he layout D's, skies a dude on the pass, and throws a beautiful score pass to someone cutting almost 180 degrees away from him. It's practically indescribable (though he was responsible for taking out Gazelle's elbow).

--Russell (he also wins props for being the only thing to be included on the highlight list and the lowlight list).

--Not getting sunburned.

--C & S

--Spooning with both Russell and Wilbur (though the happiness of that was somewhat marred by the fact that I had one of the worst night's sleep I've ever had--Russell totally throws 'bows in his sleep).

--The Pickle

Man, I cannot wait for Regionals. To do before the big weekend arrives: improve my defense, get my handling skills up to par again, make friends with He Who Will Remain Nameless. Oh, and for the record our jerseys will read: "Click Click...18 to Enter" which is beautiful in that it simultaneously pokes fun at Gaygun's favorite cheer "Click click Boom" and references the "double click" that must take place to view, ahem, pictures on the internet. Lovely. And family-friendly.

I.P. I love you.