Game Day

Uga VI for President. Seriously. Think about it. He can't be worse than what we've got now. He makes the public happy. He likes to taste babies. He licks ice. All the heads of state of all the other countries would just look at our president and say "Aww. Wook at his widdle face!" instead of saying "JIHAD!!" (unless they were cat people I guess). I mean, which is preferable, if one wanted to be honest with one's self? We could be squandering a golden P.R. opportunity here. Granted, drooling on the desk in the Oval Office won't really accomplish much in the way of "helping the Katrina victims" or "protecting the rights of Americans to marry whomever they wish" or "getting us out of the Iraq quagmire"--I mean obviously it hasn't worked for Dubya yet. But America's cuddly president--representing the best of the American football tradition--could take us far in the eyes of those who view us as cowboys and whatnot. Uga VI will not unilaterally attack anything (unless it's Florida; I hear Uga doesn't like Florida: but really, unilaterally attacking Florida will likely not result in quite the catastrophe we have in Iraq since octogenarian New Jersey transplants and vacationing families will probably not be able to mobilize in time to fight back), or read children's books while his countrymen are dying in hellish fires brought in the name of Allah (he's can't read, see), or garble his speeches to the chagrin of Americans who give a crap about how the world sees us (he really only has one word at his immediate disposal and that one, "Woof!" being neither noun nor verb, and quite effective at invigorating the morale of the Georgia football team and its fans), or alienate factions of the populace (he's rather universally appealing). There is the pesky question of whether this would be inviting the monarchy scheme of government back into the mix. Uga's title passes down by bloodline and appearance. But is that really different from what we've got going on now? I mean, show Americans a legacy and they'll practically pee themselves in excitement. So no problems there. We'll have "elections" so that we maintain the air of democracy, but it'll be no secret who'll win--the cutest little Commander in Chief ever!

Sorry about the diatribe. Today I am angry at our government. Go Dawgs!