Rut
Okay. Seriously. What to do? I am so tired of having this debate in my head a million times a day that I decided to go ahead and have it in writing in the hopes that maybe one of my three loyal readers will have some advice. I am in law school. It seems dumb to start law school and not finish it. Because a law degree won't exactly close doors. But, on the other hand, if I get convinced that I no longer want to be a lawyer--or even if I can't readily put my finger on the kind of lawyer I would like to be--does that mean that I should get out while I still can and avoid that last $20K in debt? Does one want to finish what one started at the expense of one's true path in life? Does one want to be practical rather than, say, happy? Am I just pissed because law school isn't fun and I'd rather be having fun? Isn't life too short not to do what one wants?
Here's the nitty gritty of the dilemma: most of me wants to own a bookstore. Only some of me wants to be a lawyer. It's more likely that I will succeed as a lawyer than as a bookstore owner. I'm already in law school and almost half-way done. I can have a bookstore some other time. But do I really want to spend however many miserable years lawyering just because it'll give me money? Isn't success more aptly measured in other ways?
People who know and love me will likely recognize this for what it is: Amy's Annual Freak Out. In the past the Freak Out has led to life-altering decisions. Do I just stick it out this time and be an adult and deal with the decisions I've made? Or is there some nugget of validity behind my schitzophrenia? Is it my subconscious trying to tell me something?
Sigh.
posted by Amy @ 8:45 PM
3 Comments:
Don't fret, little Salley. I think it's normal at this age and time in life to do the freaking out thing. True, I'm not accumulating debt in law school, but I having bought a condo and accumulating furniture does totally freak me out. What if I decide that I'd RATHER be a fisherwoman in Alaska? THEN what? I have all this STUFF.
Now, you are half way through law school at this point, right? And you can do great things with a law degree- including things for the common good (if you choose). So take comfort in that.
On a not entirely related note, I point you again to that Fred on Everything column that I forwarded to a bunch of you that I'm certain no one read. http://www.fredoneverything.net/LiveWell.shtml
As I wade through my own identity crisis, I try to re-read this every so often.
End Ramble.
Okay (big breath), so what is the adult thing to do? What is the right thing to do? Are the two synonymous? How does happiness factor into this decision? And (sadly) how does money affect all of this?
You are halfway done with law school and even if you choose not to use the smarts gained from this period of life immediately, there is that wonderful thing known as THE FUTURE. Think of it this way: you'd have a law degree and a CDL, if the bottom drops out in one form or another, you can use one or the other. The world needs dump truck/bus/garbage truck drivers and the world needs lawyers (or, more appropriately, people to use their law degrees for the common good).
Being a lawyer will provide you with $$ to go to Braves games; being a lawyer will not leave you with time to go to Braves games. Do you want to sit in the expensive seats hardly ever or sit in the cheapies more often?
Some expensive Turner-Stadium-hotdog-with-mustard-and-relish food for thought.
Your current episode is a mirror image of what I experience every 3 weeks. For a while there, I'm having a grand time in grad school, administering speech therapy, blah, blah, blah (as Count Blah would put it). And then, I listen to this really great Broadway recording or catch a blurb about someone's niece getting a part in the touring company of Annie, and I think, what the **** am I doing in grad school, in GA?!? Why am I not up in the big apple, waiting tables and auditioning for shows? That's when I reign it back in and remind myself that I must lay a foundation of financial security so that I can later pursue my true life purpose. Sure, I'll be in school for another year, and sure, I'll be stuck working in GA for a year or so while Colin lawyers it up, but hell, I will have money every month which I can save and use to move to where I need to be to do what I was made to do. Hope this helps. BTW, I'm telling you to stick it out. :)
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