A.P.B. Withdrawn

Just so you know, Adam finally emailed and he's fine and hunkered in Lake Charles, La. with "Dane Folks." He may be coming home! Huzzah! Oh, I mean, darn that hurricane.

In other news I spent about an hour while I should have been reading for Environmental Law looking at various news sites' coverage of Katrina and weeping into my computer keyboard. Hurricanes scare the crap out of me.

Any Word?

This is my friend Adam Protos. Adam moved to New Orleans a few weeks back. On Saturday evening he was telling people that it was his intent to remain in New Orleans and weather Katrina. On Sunday the mandatory evacuation was ordered. And as far as I know, no one has heard from Adam. I would like to know if anyone out there knows how to get in touch with my friend. He has no cell phone, is notorious for not answering his email, but could potentially have migrated to Atlanta to chill with his folks. I don't mean to be all doomsday--I don't really think he's dead or anything. Still, it would be nice to know that he and his Dane Arthur have made it to high ground. Protos, my love, put my mind at ease if you get this.

The Aristocrats

First Things First: the GA Theater has replaced their old chairs (which were admittedly full of mold and more inappropriate substances) with new orange plastic foldy seats. I'm torn. The part of me that despises change hates the new orange chairs and wishes nothing but ill on whomever it was that decided orange was the way to go. The part of me that knows the best ways to avoid skin rashes fully supports the chair massacre. I wonder where the old ones went? Oh, and for those that follow such things, you'll be happy to know that I have stuck with my plan to boycott PBR sales at the GA Theater in protest of their outrageously inflated prices (please see the Kung Fu Hustle post to learn the origins of my disdain for the Theater's beverage sale practices). To get back at me, however, the Powers that Be arranged for me to sit for the entire movie under a bit of the ceiling that was dripping what Jen and I decided was GA Theater Ghost Pee. Mmmm.

Second Things Second: I am going to marry Eddie Izzard and have all of his babies. I hope the babies will have his accent despite the fact that we will be raising them in the South.

Third Things Third: The Aristocrats is a darn good movie. I'm not a fan of Penn & Teller (why doesn't the little guy talk?!) but I must say that Penn has put together quite a little comedy gem with this movie. It purports to be about a dirty joke, but really it's about comedy and comedians. And it's really really interesting. Funniest bits, in my humble opinion, are the Christopher Walken impression, the South Park bit, and Sarah Silverman. I've ruined nothing. You should all see it immediately.

Postal Workers Have Good Legs

I don't know if our model is a postal worker or not. He could be. For all I know he was Employee of the Month over on Olympic Drive four times running. Everyone over there could be really jealous of him and his picture being up every month. They could all get together and plot little sabotages--taking the spark plugs out of ole Mail Truck No. 77893; putting a hole in the bottom of his mail tote; putting itch powder is his jaunty cap that he's so proud of. He could pride himself on his punctuality, his dedication to quality mail service. He could be friend of housewife and housedog alike. He never loses the Netflix, this postman. He never decides not to take/leave mail simply because someone has parked (legally) ten yards away from the mailbox. Oh, heavens no. Our mailman doesn't care if people park near the mailbox. He's on foot, Postal Employee of the Month is. He's on foot and can walk right up to that mailbox and put those Netflix in and take those old Netflix out. He's on foot and that's why he has such amazing legs. He could be the very postal worker I was shamelessly ogling today at the Lumpkin St. Barberritos. There he was, minding his own Employee of the Month business, and I was "accidentally" dropping my guacamole-slimed napkin on the floor so that I could get another look at those postal worker legs. Who knew that navy blue polyester shorts could be so appetizing?

Judiciary Antics

For an entertaining look at how sensitive our federal courts are to what the kids are doing these days, check out the use of "the vernacular" in this copyright infringement case:

www.orrick.com/fileupload/505.pdf

You can just see the disapproval on their pinched little faces.

In other news, Wal-Mart is selling a skeleton dressed like a pirate that dances and appears to do karaoke to the song, "Super Freaky." It was being eyed with some enthusiasm by the tired-looking woman in the pink terrycloth shorts and the white t-shirt with a map of Georgia displayed on it. To give you a sense of the scale, Atlanta was on her left clavicle and Valdosta was located squarely on her ass. I'm a classist and a bad person.

Misery Loves Company

See if you can't find the answers to the following questions (and tell me if you do):

1) Who has the final say regarding whether a law is constitutional, Congress or the Supreme Court?

2) If an intestate decedent leaves two surviving children, each with several children of their own, and several grandchildren of a deceased child, which descendants will receive how much of the intestate's estate if we are operating under 53-2-1 of the GA Code? If we are in a Uniform Probate Code jurisdiction?

3) What was Scalia's primary justification for striking down hate crime legislation in R.A.V. v. St. Paul? Was his reasoning convincing? Why or why not? And how does this opinion related to the broader topic of censorship w/r/t the Mass Media?

4) Expound on the idea/expression dichotomy in the area of photography copyright. What are the particular problems that a court faces when deciding the "originality" question w/r/t substantially similar photographs?

5) Should the courts weigh the interests of the parties when deciding questions of pollution control? Are you a "moral outrage" advocate or a "cool analysis" advocate? Explain.

6) Will I ever have a job?

Contestant No. Ten: Tina Fey

And I'm appalled that it took me this long to think of her. Okay, besides being an actor on Second City's Main Stage (a feat in and of itself), she has also made history by becoming SNL's first female headwriter in I think 1999. And the show is better for it. She's also an actor on SNL, but I think the writing is her best feature. If you don't believe me, check out Weekend Update sometime or the Momjeans commercial. Oh, Lord, so funny. Added to all of the above is her recent movie, Mean Girls, which was one of the funniest movies I've seen in quite some time. Smart, irreverent, applicable to real life. You name it. So here's to Tina Fey, best funny lady around.

The Official End of Summer?

Well, the last of my summer ultimate outlets has officially come and gone. The Atlanta Summer League End of Season Tournament was this weekend with Afternoon Delight making an impressive, if not victorious showing once again. We made it to semi-finals where we lost a heartbreaker to Really Really Ridiculously Good-looking Team by one point. I half-way blame the quarters game for the loss. We beat Toast by one after coming back from a 10-6 deficit. That game really wore out our studs, unfortunately. Plus RRRGT has the fastest women. Ever. And I'm not fast in any universe. So, sucky for us. But we got to watch a really good finals game between RRRGT and Fun Bags, who eventually won.

Highlights of the weekend:
1) Chadtrey's Greatest on Saturday at an absolutely critical juncture
2) Me actually managing to throw two successful hucks (one flick, one backhand) during the semifinals
3) Frank's layout catch of a dump pass on D
4) Me throwing grass at one of the girls from Toast when she fouled the crap out of me
5) Same girl whispering in my ear for the rest of the point that if I can't run faster than her I should get off the field
6) Dino's amazing one-inch-off-the-ground grab of one of the crappiest throws I've ever let rip
7) Not getting hit by lightning
8) Putting straws/napkin/cup in the back pants pocket of the dude at The Local
9) Roching E to flirt with Prior while waiting for Hensley to finally stop cramping in the middle of a point
10) Watching Moxie dominate Dallas (who was previously undominated and a boy)

Oh! I should also mention that I made quite the showing in the PBR Mile last Thursday. Unfortunately, I did not manage to win, thereby costing Joel Wooten $2.00 or so. But, to my credit, I did get the fourth beer down before booting on the first bit of the track. For the uninformed, the PBR Mile consists of shotgunning a PBR tallboy, running a quartermile, then repeating three more times. So I got all the way to the end and my little tummy couldn't take anymore. I got totally shown up by this girl from Whiffle Ball. She was maybe a buck twenty and came in second to the reigning champion. Oh, and she'd never shotgunned a beer before. Lucky schmuck. Well, the first beer of the Mile was only the third I had ever done. I don't care what anyone says. I'm very proud of myself. And I put Ernie "Mountain of a Man" Strauss's (he's the one in blue) record the first time out to shame. So there. I can drink like a man. My parents are very proud.

And that's that. It's to class with me tomorrow and back to being a real person as a sad byproduct. What will I do without ultimate? I basically hung up my cleats for two years and I was not okay. I don't want that to happen again, so I'm hoping for the best with IP, my mixed team. We're off to Shawn Adams for Labor Day weekend where I hope we will make a good showing. And with that tournament, I am relegated to scraping my ultimate off the sidewalk instead of scooping it out of the bin by the handful. Sigh. I miss my embarrassment of riches.

The Lavender Menace

This Saturday was spent playing soggy ultimate at Sandy Creek Park. It was the Athens Summer League End of Summer Tournament. I gotta say, my little team really pulled it out. Normally I hate to lose, but the bad feelings were more than counterbalanced by the general comraderie and breathtaking talent that epitomized the Purple People Eaters. Our offense could not be stopped during pool play and we rolled over SubLime and Sage 9-1 in both games. The semi-finals was more of a battle against SkyBlue (did they ever come up with a team name?). I actually don't know the final score, but I think it was in the realm of 13-5 or 6 or 7. What a fantastic game that was. A battle for every score with both teams playing with a previously unheard-of fire. And, remarkably, there was relatively good spirit maintained by both teams. In a game that intense, you expect more bickering. We had our share, but nothing compared to what I've seen in similar circumstances between lesser men. Then there was the finals against the Peach Team (the team name assigned by our captain, Jeremy, will not be repeated here since this is a family-oriented site). What can you do against a team that boasts David Neder, Ricky Tse, Chase Thomas, Ben Mathes, Leslie "Dino" Walden, and a host of talented rookies? They never messed up. Not even once. They won quite beautifully and by quite a wide margin. But you know what? Lavender never quit. We played our best until the last and we had fun doing it. Sure it was frustrating, it's alwasy frustrating to lose. But man oh man did we have heart. So I just wanted to give a shout out to the Lavender team. It was absolutely a pleasure playing with all of you this summer. My MVP nomination most definitely goes to one Amble Johnson. For keeping us all pumped up, for being a paragon of spirit, for playing with fire every single time you stepped on the pitch, for traveling from West Virginia to be with us, for letting five muddy people ride in your van to Subway, for nearly skying Potter in that stupid picture, for saying nothing but nice things about everyone all the time, for being an in general all-around most awesome guy, you are my MVP.