Contestant No. Nine: Jeanette Lee

I was first introduced to The Black Widow by Christian. He's into watching pool on television, mostly when it's her playing. After hearing of her from him, I quickly realized that there was quite the little subculture devoted to Jeanette Lee. Kind of like when you learn a new word and it suddenly appears in everything you read. Is that only me? Anyway, Jeanette Lee is an extremely accomplished pool player, has authored a book titled The Black Widow's Guide to Killer Pool, has been named The Sportsperson of the Year, was ranked No. 1 in the world after she played pool for only 5 years, and she's hot hot hot. I'm in favor of recognition for women making good in a man's world, so this is my nod to that.

I Hate Moving

I was watching the movie Kissing Jessica Stein one time and I was made angry by the following scene. The two main characters decide to move in together. There is a montage dedicated to showing just how much fun the two women have moving heavy, awkward boxes. They giggle in the doorway when they can't coordinate efficiently and run into each other. They roll their eyes affectionately at the cutely exhausting work. WTF!? This dangerous propaganda is the reason why I am always unprepared at moving time. I see my entertainment heroes having quality laughs during these transitional times and I assume everything will be a piece of red velvet cake. But goodness, no. I got approximately three hours of sleep all weekend (a weekend which lasted from Friday until Tuesday--and not in a good way). I practically threw my back out with the boxes of books that I do not need. I am dying from Attack of the Mold Spores. And I still have to move my stuff out of Christian's house into my new apartment. It never ends, this process. Stupid movies.

At least I have my friends Harry, Ron, and Hermione to keep me company in my time of anguish.

Jumping on the Bandwagon

Gardner did this after Hillary did so I thought I would too. I love not ever having an original idea.

10 years ago: Wow. Summer of 1995. Turns out I have a memory worth nothing. Let's see. That would be the summer after my freshman year of high school. It's most likely that I was at camp. Because that's what I did back in the Jesus Days (as I call my years of extreme piety). I believe that was the summer I got voted to be on the Episcopal Youth Commission, which at the time was a very big deal for me. This indirectly led to a James Brown sighting outside of the Sheraton in Augusta, Georgia where my friend Lonnie convinced him to do his trademark, "Ow!" Ah, memories.

5 years ago: That was the summer I learned to drive buses. My first/only college job. By the end of the summer I could parallel park those suckers. Also spent the summer in class and playing Athens Summer League. The maroon team. We rocked.

1 year ago: Drove buses all summer and visted Christian on the IFP trip. Not sure if I was there at this exact time of the summer, though it does seem about right. Flew into San Fransisco and flew back from Portland about a week and a half later, stopping at various places along the way. Highlight of the trip: overcoming extreme fear and jumping into Crater Lake. 28 degrees. Blergh.

Yesterday: Sat around pointedly not studying for my exam. Took the car to get the brakes worked on. Bugged Leigh for a while. Went to happy hour at the Manhattan and partook of Maker's Mark and Blenheims. Best drink ever. Proceeded to Room 13 and partook of High Lifes. Second best drink ever. Moved then to The 40 Watt to dance the night away to the Krush Girls and drink PBR tallboys. Third best drink ever. Post Girls we went off for some nightswimming at Waterford Apts. Let the good times roll.

Today: Recover from last night. Study. Work. Huzzah!

Tomorrow: Matinee of The Wedding Crashers. Work. Study.

5 Snacks I enjoy: Chunky Monkey, Cheddar Jack Cheezits, Dark Chocolate Twix, Red Popcicles, Oranges

5 bands/artists that I know the lyrics of MOST of their songs: Indigo Girls, Counting Crows, The Beatles, Wilco, R.E.M.

5 things I would do with $100,000,000: I'm with Gardner. Let's pretend I've done all the requisite give money to family, pay off loans, get a car, give to charity etc. I would open my bookstore, I would go to Greece for just as long as I want, I would buy some wilderness somewhere and I would let it sit, then I would run out of ideas

5 locations I'd like to run away to: Majorca, Oxford, Point Reyes National Seashore, the Pottery Barn Catalogue, my mom

5 bad habits I have: cracking my gum, procrastination, smoking in bars, letting the dishes pile up, not washing my face at night

5 things I like doing: going to baseball games, reading like I have no responsibilities, drinking coffee, playing with Moxie, playing ultimate

5 things I would never wear: those weird fuzzy boots, anything with only one strap, a Yankees hat, a thong in public, egg on my face

5 TV shows I like: The Gilmore Girls, The Daily Show, The Simpsons, The Family Guy, Desperate Housewives

5 movies I like: When Harry Met Sally..., The Purple Rose of Cairo (and almost every other movie made by Woody Allen), The Wizard of Oz, High Fidelity, The Neverending Story (I don't care what Gardner says)

5 famous people I'd like to meet: Adrien Brody, Ryan Langerhans, Jon Stewart, Diane Lane, Kurt Vonnegut, Sophia Coppola (hah! that's six! you can't put me in a box!)

5 biggest joys at the moment: playing ultimate again, receiving Harry Potter 6 in the mail (which happened today), summer class ending, Dino getting a new dog, having a tan

5 favorite toys: ipod, Moxie, blog, Netflix, 175 gram Discraft disc

5 people who will do their own: Stephen will probably do one. And Will. Beyond that I don't know. I don't have a lot of friends, you see.

Contestant No. Eight: Scarlett Johansson

Okay. This is where I officially bow to peer pressure. I wasn't going to do it. A contestant with the physical attributes of Scarlett Johansson is just too easy, in my opinion. But then I got to thinking about things and I have decided that since she has talent in spades to go with the aforementioned attributes, if she ends up the Epitome of Female Beauty, we could do worse. I personally think that she deserves the nomination based solely on Lost in Translation, Ghost World, and If Lucy Fell. Those movies more than balance the questionable decision-making that went into In Good Company, Spongebob Squarepants, and The Perfect Score. This girl was out-acting people when she was, like, nine. And she's way less scary than that Dakota Fanning. So, there you have it. Scarlett Johansson. Let's hear it for choosing pseudo love scenes with Colin Firth and for walking around a Japanese hotel room in your underpants.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

In your spare time you should check out Buddy Gardner's blog, which currently features a small blurb about yours truly. Yes, my genius and impeccable taste have finally been recognized and I am a Quarterfinals Judge in Gardner's all-important Everything Idol competition. Stay tuned!

Sky Rockets in Flight

We lit it up, like the Fourth of July, baby! They never saw it coming, not from underdogs like us. But boy, did we ever show them. Afternoon Delight dominated the AFDC Summer League Midseason Tournament. It was made to be our bitch. 8-0 for the weekend. Oh yeah! And now the forums are just buzzing with, "Man, did you see that sick layout D Neder had?" and, "I didn't know KWoo had such a big hammer--let alone three of them in one point!" and, "I can't believe Chad's parents left before his Callahan score," and, "When did Frank Wooten get to be thirty feet tall?" and, "Ricky was pissed as hell, man!" and other such accolades born of pure shock. But was Afternoon Delight surprised? The fans want to know. Well, you may take it from me, fans, Afternoon Delight was only surprised at the first come-from-behind win over the Schmitt Kickers (who knew you could be down 7-2 at half and proceed to dominate so completely?). After that, nothing could surprise us. We showed 'em how we roll.

Okay, okay. All boasting aside. I could not have had a better weekend. Turns out I am on the most nicestest team in the history of AFDC Summer League and that when the shit goes down we are able to turn on the afterburners and kick some butt. Who could ask for more? On top of that I got to go out on the ATL town for the first time in my meager existance. I was introduced to the nightlife of East Atlanta in the form of The Heaping Bowl and The Earl. Great times. Tho I will admit to practically falling asleep into my free Strongbow (thanks Hensley!) while trying to keep track of the lightening-quick conversation b/t KQ and Stersic and David Bradley and Echto and poor Hensley who was trying to keep me awake. Sigh. I am not as young as I used to be. And I think it's safe to say that the late night most definitely affected my game on Sunday. But, be that as it may, we still won and I'm still excited to be part of Afternoon Delight.

Highlights of the weekend:
--Free food out of the Pickle (Andy Grimes for President!)
--Actually managinng to get a D, and on Kate Wilson no less, who falls into the category of "I want to be her when I grow up"
--Colin's behind the back thumber (no look scoober? what the heck was that thing) to KWoo who had the most spectacular lay-out miss ever
--Passing the Jaeger at half-time
--Jaeger bombs after the big finals win
--the comeback against Schmitt Kickers in pool play
--watching our deep boys do no wrong

Okay. I've gushed enough. Here's to looking forward to a repeat at the End of Season Tournament. I love to win!

Contestant No. Seven: Serena Williams

I was going to go with Maria Sharapova on this one, and I'm willing to listen to arguments that I made the incorrect decision, but I'm just so mightily impressed with Serena Williams that I felt it would be quite remiss of me not to include her. She was 17 years old when she won her first Grand Slam singles title at the U.S. Open in 1999, and she has continued to be dominant since, winning the French Open and Wimbledon in 2002 and the Australian Open in 2003 and 2005. And that's not even all of them. Not to mention that she won many of these titles at the expense of sister Venus (who, to her credit, just won Wimbledon), from whom she stole the No. 1 rank. I don't think I'm alone in saying that Venus and Serena have completely altered the game of women's tennis forever, I think Serena more so than Venus, even if Venus did come first. The level of athleticism she displays and the aggressiveness of her game basically demand that opponents attempt to match them. Serena is a catalyst for progress in both the perception of women's sports and in the sports themselves.

Special Delivery

Dear Ryan Langerhans,

I was at the soggy game on Tuesday and I began to get really curious about something. Do you get creeped out when fans talk to you like they know you? I never wondered about this sort of thing before--strange considering my tenure as a baseball fan and how my mind tends to wander. But this struck me onTuesday when you walked up to the plate after the rain delay and I, from my purloined seats behind Blanco, proceeded to catcall you. I suppose I should tell you that you have the extreme honor of being my first baseball-related crush (Javy Lopez doesn't count). Hence the catcalling. But the thing about it is that I don't even do that to people I know. I actually find it mildly insulting. Well, sometimes I do it to Hensley, but only because I want to fit in. So why do fans believe that their sports stars (which you will be among soon) belong to them? Why is it okay to insult players from the seats? Fans can be quite nasty sometimes, as I'm sure you know. So I thought I would ask if it bugs you. If it doesn't, I might keep catcalling. And in our unique situation, I'll have to take silence to equal consent. I think in the back of my mind somewhere I actually think we'll have some bizarre eye-contact moment and you'll immediately run over and give me your phone number. Stranger things have happened, I tell myself. Witness Neutral Milk Hotel's lyric, "Can't believe how strange it is to be anything at all." So if you and I can exist, it's at least possible that we could meet, have a moment, and exchange phone numbers. All that being said, if you find it difficult to tune out the fans for whom you play (or do you actually play for love of the game? a topic for next time), and you find the catcalling dehumanizing and irritating, I will cease and desist immediately if not sooner. You're on your way to being a commodity, albeit a beloved, well-paid, and closely-watched one. Who am I to hasten the process? So anyway, good luck in your forthcoming games. I'll be at some of them since the Braves finally won a game I attended (first time ever!) and I can now visit Turner Field with a clean conscience. And as I watch I'll be not-so-secretly imagining what our babies would look like and whether they'd play baseball or ultimate or eschew sports altogether. Is that weird?

Affectionately,
Amy

Summer of the Dark Chocolate Twix

I never thought that I would be the type to have this kind of obsession. Looking at the situation from an objective standpoint, there's really no reason I should be surprised. I have a relatively addictive personality, I suppose. I smoked like a zealot for a number of years until I realized that I liked to be able to run without dragging an oxygen tank behind me. I read books like they are going out of style, no matter what more pressing obligations are thereby placed indefinitely on the backburner. I play ultimate as if life itself depends upon my continually donning the cleats and the cleat-feet to accompany them. So I tend to submerge myself in the things that interest me. But candy? Candy? I was at Target a few short weeks ago and I managed to purchase 25 Dark Chocolate Twix bars because they were half price and because they are delicious. They are limited edition, you see, so I felt it was worth it to shell out $24.00 and keep the little twin sticks of goodness in the freezer. Lord knows if I would ever be able to purchase them again. I should have known I have a problem at that point. There were only 24 by the time I got home from Target and now, if you'll allow me a moment to count, there are 20. Dwindling numbers. Sigh. I cannot stop buying these candy bars. On the way to Tennessee this weekend for the SMUT tournament we stopped for gas at a BP and, lord in heaven, they had the Twix and I bought five. Five! Who does that? I intended to give them out over the course of the weekend to those who exhibited stellar ability on the ultimate pitch. Of course that means that I ate one during a rain delay, gave one to O-face who drove me to the tourney, managed to give one to Futureman for a pretty spectacular lay-out D, tried to give one each to Stephen and Jess, but, remarkably, those and the last one are all missing. At the moment I am trying not to immediately return to one of the two pages I found where you can buy these candy bars in bulk. I need to remember that I do not need to shell out $30.00 for candy. But see, that's the problem with addiction. It does not bow to rational thought. Your need is a monkey on your back, cracking his little whip, compelling you to fix. Damn Twix.

Contestant No. Six: Gillian Welch

The wonderful thing about this contest of mine is that I get to decide what the "beauty rules" are. I like power. And I think that Gillian Welch is beautiful. And I think that her contribution to folk/bluegrass/country music more than qualifies her for a place among these Contestants. How one woman can summon images of the Depression, the Sixties, the Grand Ole Opry, and George Clooney at the same time is beyond me, but she manages it. She is truly transcendant, if you will allow me something of a cliche. And thus, she is Contestant No. Six.

That's a Funny Word

I'm canvassing to find out what words people think sound funny. To start:

Freckle
Ointment
Moist
Lobster
Sleeeeeeeepy
Pregnant

Okay. Go.